Let’s be honest… having cancer sucks. It’s literally the worst experience I’ve ever had, and there were definitely days where I just wanted to give up.
One of the hardest parts was seeing what a burden I had become for my family. My husband was taking care of me, our baby and two older children, all while trying to keep us afloat financially. Our friends and family and even a few strangers donated money, household items, groceries and time, but we were still struggling to get by.
I felt so selfish for all of the problems I was causing… but in reality, no one felt I was a burden. I wasn’t inflicting these problems onto my family. Cancer was. Cancer was doing this to all of us. Cancer was doing this to me.
Once this mentality finally sank in, I realized that the best thing I could do was be thankful and stay positive to the best of my ability. And so, I did just that. I focused on how fortunate I was to have so many people care so deeply about me. I looked for the silver lining in everything.
All of my hair fell out, but at least I didn’t have to shave my legs.
I had to stay in bed for days on end, but I had so much free time for knitting and reading.
I lost my breasts, but I was getting new boobs that will stay perky forever.
I couldn’t go out much, but I got to stay home and snuggle with my kids.
I felt isolated at times, but it lead to making new friends who were also patients and survivors.
I had to slow down, but as it turned out, that’s just what I had been needing all along.
This was an experience to grow, so I grew. My husband grew too. Friendships blossomed. I found a therapist to help guide me through this mental health journey.
I learned that it’s okay to feel sorry for yourself, but you don’t have to unpack and live there.
I learned to lay past traumas to rest and to live in the present moment. I still try to see the beauty in every day, even if some of those days leave me feeling a little blue. Although I was a reluctant student, I am thankful for the lessons cancer taught me.
