On New Years Day 2017, I was filled to the brim with a positive feeling about the brand new year. My youngest son, Elliott, was about to turn one and he was finally sleeping through the night. I was buzzing with excitement to delve back into my work after the chaotic holiday season. (My husband and I run an online dress shop, called ActionPink.) I had been dreaming up all kinds of new designs to create between filling existing customers’ orders. Everything truly felt like it was falling into place for once.
By the end of the month, just a week after Elliott turned one, I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was meeting with a surgeon to discuss a double mastectomy.
I’d been able to feel a lump in my left breast for a few of months, but it didn’t seem too strange to me. I had nursed my son with great struggle particularly on the left side. I figured the lump was probably a cyst or something left over from something to do with breastfeeding… or something? When it just wasn’t going away, I knew I should probably have it looked at. I remember back then annoyedly thinking ” Ugh. One more appointment to schedule.” If I only knew how much my life was about to be interrupted.
I saw my family doctor who ordered a simple ultrasound of the lump. “Just an ultrasound- no big deal,” I thought. I soon found myself having a mammogram and a needle biopsy at that same appointment. Things were escalating so quickly that I knew something was wrong, but what?
*** Side Note: If there’s one thing I could tell women everywhere it would be “Get your mammogram!” They are quick, easy, and do not hurt! Your boob will not be literally squished flatter than a pancake. I had never had a mammogram before this. The women in my life who had had mammograms always made them sound horrifying and painful, so I never asked to have one done. They’re not bad at all!
My husband and I sat on pins and needles the entire weekend before we found out my test results. We met with my family doctor again to receive the results. We tried to put on our most positive faces as we waited for the doctor to come into the exam room.
Although we were really feeling scared shitless.
I have a family history of breast cancer, so I always half-figured I’d be diagnosed someday. I never thought I’d be diagnosed with cancer at 29. I tried to avoid breast cancer risk factors during my adult life by eating a vegetarian diet, having children before age 30, and staying thin and active. I wasn’t able to avoid getting cancer, but at least my life choices may help me through my treatment and recovery.
One thing I know for sure is that I’ll be spending the rest of my 30’s and beyond working towards giving myself the healthiest body I can. I’m going to get through this stupid cancer, reclaim my body and continue to work towards new fitness goals. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I want to be strong at 90.
