Due to the size of my tumor and family history, my surgeon recommended a mastectomy. I opted for a bi-lateral (double) mastectomy for my own peace of mind. If I didn’t go all the way, I know I would spend the rest of my life constantly worried about feeling lumps on my other side. Sure, there’s always a risk of cancer returning even after having had a mastectomy, but the risk is substantially lower. Plus, with reconstruction, I might actually end up with perky fake boobs that look even better than the ones that tried to kill me. I’m thinking positively at least.
My surgery was scheduled for the morning of St. Patrick’s Day, which also happened to be my 30th birthday. (What a great way to turn 30, eh?) No one knew whether or not to wish me a “Happy Birthday.” I wasn’t sure either. My husband, Roderick, and I arrived at the hospital bright and early, ready to get this whole thing over with.
In addition to the mastectomy, I also had immediate reconstruction surgery. “Immediate reconstruction” is a rather misleading term because the whole reconstruction process will take anywhere from 6 to 12 months, or even more depending on how everything goes. The “immediate” part just means that a plastic surgeon laid down the foundation for breast reconstruction. More specifically, my surgeon inserted tissue expanders that will be slowly filled up with liquid over time to create pockets for breast implants. In the future, there will be two more surgical procedures for my reconstruction. One surgery will be for removing the tissue expanders and replacing them with implants. In the last surgery, my plastic surgeon will remove fatty tissue from my abdomen and redeposit it around the implants to give everything a smoother appearance. I might even get a slight tummy-tuck due to the last procedure. What mom wouldn’t want that?!
My husband has been the sweetest, most supportive partner I could possibly imagine throughout all of this so far. I am truly lucky to have him with me at each step of the way. Knowing that he would be there as soon as I woke up from anesthesia made going into this surgery much easier to wrap my mind around.
My surgery lasted several hours. I had imagined waking up from surgery and feeling sorry for myself. As it turned out, there was no time for a pity-party. A best friend from my childhood grew up to be a nurse at our local hospital. I had no idea she would be working the day of my surgery, or that she even knew what was going on in my life at that point. She surprised me by decorating my hospital room with birthday balloons and St. Patrick’s Day stickers. The room was so bright and cheery that I completely forgot about my surgery- even if only for a brief moment. I felt so loved and actually got to celebrate my birthday.
After spending a couple of nights in the hospital, I was able to go home. Recovering from this surgery was quite different from the two C-Section births I have had. On one hand, C-Section recovery is difficult since you also have a newborn baby to care for. On the other hand, having a new baby to care for makes all of the pain from child birth worth it. There was no new baby to hold after my mastectomy. In fact, the worst part was that I couldn’t hold or hug any of my kids. I had to protect myself with pillows just to be in the same room as my one-year-old son. Not being able to reach out and hug my children after my surgery has been the hardest part of cancer by far. Several weeks after my surgery, I was finally able to hold Elliott on my lap for some of the sweetest snuggles ever. I savored every single millisecond.
